still pondering...

So, this morning i've woken up pretty early, 7.41. however i have been awake since 5am. I don't have a job and i've been in full time work for the past 5 years (since we arrived) pretty much, and now. Nothing. But not even that, i have no idea what i want to do, where i want to go. Well i do know, but it all just seems so out of reach.. I would LOVE to move to NY... live there for a year, meet some cool people, get out of the 'family' country and just hang out for a year. The past few years have been pretty strange to be honest, having the most bizarre things happen to me. But it's good i guess though.

Let me share a little....

So basically, i've been working fulltime for the past 5/6 years and then went into work about 1 month ago and half way through the day just said "na, thats it. i'm done" why? i don't know. what was i going to do? i don't know, and still don't know. and the brutal honest truth... is because i have a boyfriend who i love very very much. However right then and there on that day i could have gone. Packed a bag and went, and there would have been no issues what so ever (we were fighting bigtime, which never really happens) but i chose not to. Instead i chose to sort things out and stay. But after the whole saga, it puzzled me and to this day still puzzles me, because i'm forever talking about packing a bag and just leaving and leaving on the next flight outta here and just dealing with the rest when it comes... Do people still do that?! Like, honestly, does it happen?! I don't know, my mum and dad are pretty good at encouraging spur of the moment, spontaneous doings and stuff like that but my boyfriends family doesn't. And to be fair i have spent a lot of time within there family home so i can't help but think that some of their fmaily values are rubbing off on me. =O Could  this be happening?

I have a pretty adventurous imagination and all i want to do is skidaddle out of here. So bad, the more i write, the more i want to be writing in another country. Hmmmmm....

Another thing that i seem to have done since that day i left, is i've been getting these really strange gut feelings, and i've got this gut feeling that i should be travelling right now, or at least 'running free' a bit. I've been working fulltime intensely since i was 15. I'm aware that it is pretty normal, and ra ra ra i'm still young and should still be working but i want to go do it somewhere else now.... I also think that my boyfriend might, could, maybe, have something hidden up his sleeve. Which is a little bit shit to think... But he's been acting so strange recently.. What can you do though? If he wants to talk to me, he can and if he wants to get some out into the open he can.. But i know somethings up, we went on a wee little break and i'm not really sure what he did with he time at all.. I won't ponder on that too much. I guess it's true what they say.. "what you don't know, can't hurt you" even if i did know, it wouldnt hurt me because i'm solid. Oh gosh, haha no it would hurt like a little prick actually, the really annoying ones that you get on the tips of your fingers sometiems and then there itchy with pain after... heeheehee.. You know what i'm talking about.

WOW. I'm on a bit of a typathon this morning.. I think i may know now why some people go on the internet and stuff, you see i don't really go on facebook, twitter or anything like that but i need a vent space if anything, because i feel like some people i talk to or my friends they're just not getting where i'm coming from or anything like that so i'm going to get what i need to say out on the internet and then surely it's just choice who reads it and who doesn't yeh?! Know what i mean?

Hmmmm. OK. i'm looking for a job.
CHECKLIST -
! get a job
! save $2000
! get a flight
! just cruise with it for a bit.

ye?!

19/06/2012

Oh my goodness, look at the date... I can't believe after so many years i stumbled upod an old old blogger account. Bizzare?! Yes. I think so, and so relevant.
Oh.. I'm a little bit excited... I enojoy writing my thoughts on things so much, especially as i think i would just be talking talking talking if i didn't write. I have got soooo many scrap books lying around with half started entries, book begginings.
However this beginning is purely for me. I did notice, how i titled it "me,me,me" made me giggle abit but i am starting this journal for me. I don't ever seem to find time to purely do something that only i love and can only really be done on your own.
So since that last entry, I've found myself in a relationship from touch down pretty much.. Well not quite but 7 months into arriving here. And even though not with the same person i have been in one after the other... It's a pretty strange realisation i must say. Which i only completely understood and got not that long ago. After a relationship that i'm in ends, i say "ok, no more thats it.. i'm having some 'me' time" i never seem to stick to my word and get whisked away by some "charmer". However, in a relationship now and i think it's going ok. But i always seem to find myself in a battle between, my head and my heart. It does puzzle me and gets me tangled up like never before. It's a completely different feeling this time round with my relationship, i'm not sure why.

I do hope i keep this entry business going good. I had an iPhone4s not that long ago and had a diary on it, but then i had to return it and deleted everything without thinking, and then it suddenly dawned on me that i had some good writing in it.. Very upset.
This is definately a blabber blogger entry... I can't seem to control my fingers just writing exactly what i'm thinking. Great. I love it.

Its 1.43am and i'm not really that tired to tell you the truth.. I should be though. I should be sleeping, because.. in the morning, i need to get 'ma bootay outta bed' and looking for a job. BIGSTYLE. I don't even know how long it's been since i left my last workplace. Hmmm, maybe a month?!?



OH MY GOSH. 6 YEARS AGO i wrote... wow. It feels like yesterday.

The Big Move

My family and i have been in the process of emigrating to Auastralia for nearlly a year now. But it has finally come and we are doign "The Big Move" now. The shippers have been boxing up our furniture etc for the past 2 days, our furniture is currently on a ship being shipped away to Oz as i type and as you are reading now. It is sooo exctiting. It's really happening now, the reality of it all has just started to kick in. The men boxed up 140 boxes and used something like 28 rolls of cellotape *incredible*.... our lives are locked up in a container now and we won't see any of the stuff for another 8 weeks at the minimum. I currently live in about the garnments as all of my clothes were shipped away, some purposely and some BIGTIME mistakenly. Oh well, you only wear so many clothes at a time and also gives me the excuse to do a little bit or retail therapy.
My brother and dad are leaving England for good tomorrow, whereas my mum and i are staying in England to complete with the house sale, see my elder sister into Uni etc etc. Tomorrow we also give my lovely, adorable cat away, but he's going to relatives so it's not that bad.
I'm going to keep posting happenings on my blog regularly!
x