still pondering...

So, this morning i've woken up pretty early, 7.41. however i have been awake since 5am. I don't have a job and i've been in full time work for the past 5 years (since we arrived) pretty much, and now. Nothing. But not even that, i have no idea what i want to do, where i want to go. Well i do know, but it all just seems so out of reach.. I would LOVE to move to NY... live there for a year, meet some cool people, get out of the 'family' country and just hang out for a year. The past few years have been pretty strange to be honest, having the most bizarre things happen to me. But it's good i guess though.

Let me share a little....

So basically, i've been working fulltime for the past 5/6 years and then went into work about 1 month ago and half way through the day just said "na, thats it. i'm done" why? i don't know. what was i going to do? i don't know, and still don't know. and the brutal honest truth... is because i have a boyfriend who i love very very much. However right then and there on that day i could have gone. Packed a bag and went, and there would have been no issues what so ever (we were fighting bigtime, which never really happens) but i chose not to. Instead i chose to sort things out and stay. But after the whole saga, it puzzled me and to this day still puzzles me, because i'm forever talking about packing a bag and just leaving and leaving on the next flight outta here and just dealing with the rest when it comes... Do people still do that?! Like, honestly, does it happen?! I don't know, my mum and dad are pretty good at encouraging spur of the moment, spontaneous doings and stuff like that but my boyfriends family doesn't. And to be fair i have spent a lot of time within there family home so i can't help but think that some of their fmaily values are rubbing off on me. =O Could  this be happening?

I have a pretty adventurous imagination and all i want to do is skidaddle out of here. So bad, the more i write, the more i want to be writing in another country. Hmmmmm....

Another thing that i seem to have done since that day i left, is i've been getting these really strange gut feelings, and i've got this gut feeling that i should be travelling right now, or at least 'running free' a bit. I've been working fulltime intensely since i was 15. I'm aware that it is pretty normal, and ra ra ra i'm still young and should still be working but i want to go do it somewhere else now.... I also think that my boyfriend might, could, maybe, have something hidden up his sleeve. Which is a little bit shit to think... But he's been acting so strange recently.. What can you do though? If he wants to talk to me, he can and if he wants to get some out into the open he can.. But i know somethings up, we went on a wee little break and i'm not really sure what he did with he time at all.. I won't ponder on that too much. I guess it's true what they say.. "what you don't know, can't hurt you" even if i did know, it wouldnt hurt me because i'm solid. Oh gosh, haha no it would hurt like a little prick actually, the really annoying ones that you get on the tips of your fingers sometiems and then there itchy with pain after... heeheehee.. You know what i'm talking about.

WOW. I'm on a bit of a typathon this morning.. I think i may know now why some people go on the internet and stuff, you see i don't really go on facebook, twitter or anything like that but i need a vent space if anything, because i feel like some people i talk to or my friends they're just not getting where i'm coming from or anything like that so i'm going to get what i need to say out on the internet and then surely it's just choice who reads it and who doesn't yeh?! Know what i mean?

Hmmmm. OK. i'm looking for a job.
CHECKLIST -
! get a job
! save $2000
! get a flight
! just cruise with it for a bit.

ye?!